4 notes &

I’m a registered republican. I only seem liberal because I believe that hurricanes are caused by high barometric pressure and not gay marriage.

0 notes &

A black man can’t catch a cab in this town, but a guy with a sword? No problem.

13 notes &

You’re a good guy, you know, if you ignore all the things you do on purpose, and concentrate on all the things you do by accident

7 notes &

I have no idea what ‘Hammer Time’ is, or how it’s different from regular time.

0 notes &

Next time a man calls you a fucking faggot, you get in that ass, Larry! Know what I mean? You get in that ass, Larry! That’s what the fuck you do!

Notes &

- So it’s all a lie?
- They prefer to look at it as a dream.
- But one they’re not working towards?
- Are you working toward all your dreams, Ted? Then stop pointing fingers.

2 notes &

Smells delish. My taste buds are fist-bumping each other, bro.